Why do people talk about the numbers they needed to win the round of bingo after just losing the round of bingo?

Before going into my rant, I have to break down what every single bingo experience looks like. These events happen exclusively at VFW locations (or on cruise ships), primarily in small suburbs. They are hosted by a 72 year old woman who acts as the MC, and is the quietest person alive so you miss half of the calls. She’s also using a microphone that’s hooked up to the single worst sound system you’ve ever heard, which compounds the issue. Now let’s outline the crowd.

First, you have the regulars. These people are between the ages of 75 and 110 and they drop their entire Social Security check on bingo cards each month. They also win about 85% of the games. Then, you have the parents. These folks tend to be 40 to 60 years old, and join in when they’re free, as they still have kids at home and a life to live, so this isn’t their number one priority. Finally, you have the occasional “young person” group who decided to be crazy and play bingo on a Thursday night in early November. The regulars hate the young crowd, and a young person winning a game takes about three months off the life of any regular.

Now, the game of bingo is quite simple. Everyone has a unique card, and numbers are chosen at random. When a number that you have is called, you put a mark on that number. When you complete a line of 5 numbers in a row (or a custom rule if you’re feeling frisky), you yell “BINGO” and win $75. It’s all completely random and there is no strategy.

This is all important to note, because once the game is over, there is no reason to ever think about your card again. You lost, and now a new round begins. So then why do people say “Oh man, I just needed B2 and G55 and I would have had bingo!”? Of course you would have, that’s the central conceit of the game! It’s like if I played a game of baseball and lost, and then turned to my teammates and said, “You know, had we scored more runs than the other team, we would have won this game.”

Nothing in the history of the world has ever been more predictable than a white father at a VFW bingo table talking about how close he was to getting the bingo, minutes after it was already called. End of statement.