Tragedy on Sesame Street: Oscar the Grouch and Count Von Count Killed in Early Morning Shootout

It was not a beautiful day in the neighborhood this morning when reports surfaced of a tragic shooting on the famous Sesame Street in the heart of New York City. The first report of gunshots was filed at 2:05 this morning outside of Hooper’s Store. Authorities quickly arrived on the scene, and have now confirmed to us that four were shot. They were rushed to the hospital where two of the four were pronounced dead on arrival.

Count Von Count was the first victim. Count, a Romanian immigrant, was the beloved math teacher at the local elementary school, and is believed to have been caught in the line of fire. Doctors say that when they arrived on the scene, he was audibly counting the number of bullet wounds in his chest. “One…two…three” was heard as he gently pressed down on the holes over and over.

The other victim in the overnight tragedy was lifelong New York resident Oscar the Grouch. The retiree was asleep in his home, when a stray bullet pierced his trash can home, immediately killing him. It is believed that the target was hiding behind Oscar’s can and the shooter began firing shots in hopes of drawing him out. Instead, he killed Mr. the Grouch. No one else was home.

This shooting follows a string in the Sesame Street neighborhood of New York City. A once peaceful area, this street has become a hotspot of violence in recent years. Just last month, Mr. Noodle was gunned down near Big Bird’s Nest in what police believe to be a targeted attack. No one has been charged for his death at this point in time.

Arrests were made this morning in connection with the recent shooting. Ernie and Bert, Sesame Street locals, were taken in after reports surfaced of their involvement in the killings. Neighbors reported that the couple got into a lover’s spat that turned violent. Bert had received word of Ernie’s illicit affair with New York Rangers owner James Dolan, and got physical. The fighting escalated and the men ended up in a shootout on the street. They were both hit, but not fatally.

Ernie and Bert are likely to get charged for the crimes, and we will follow the story as it continues to unfurl. Hug your puppets tonight, and please go out and VOTE! We can do better. We have to do better.