Huzzah: Supreme Court Finally Unbans Boo-Berry Cereal

In what feels like a year of tough political decisions that seem to benefit no one, it’s always great to get a small win for the country. The 2024 election circuit is in full swing, which means everyone is doing what they can to make an impact and get their name out there. This includes President Biden and former President Trump. Both men have appointed current Supreme Court justices, and getting a win for the country via these individuals will be a feather in the cap to both presidential hopefuls.

For autumns as far back as I can remember, the classic monster cereal flavors were a highlight of the season. Cereals like Count Chocula, FrankenBerry, Frute Brute, and of course Boo-Berry, would show up in local grocery stores, giving breakfast a spooky flare for a few weeks. As soon as they appeared, however, they were gone. What I didn’t know at the time is that this was no accident. It turns out that it’s a federal crime to sell the monster cereals outside of the September 20th-November 10th date range. This law goes all the way back to the Constitution of the United States of America, when James Madison added it at the bottom of the page. It’s said that he was terrified of ghouls, and couldn’t stand to see them in his local Acme every week.

However it got there, this has been a firm law, and the Supreme Court has never budged on it. Throughout America’s history, there are seven instances of the law being refuted, but every time it was struck down with great force. That is until today.

It’s no secret that Joe Biden has been falling in the polls. As the election approaches, many Americans are blaming him for increasing inflation rates and the effects that come from those. He has needed to pull out all the stops to regain his traction as we get closer to one year out from the election. Today was that day. Biden rallied the troops, got in front of the Supreme Court, and pleaded for year-round monster cereal. No one knows what went on behind closed doors, but reports say that both sides were heated and violence ensued.

When it was all said and done, the groups reached a middle ground. While Count Chocula, Franken Berry, and Frute Brute are still autumn exclusives, the Supreme Court ordered the ban of Boo-Berry cereal unconstitutional. As expected, the country erupted in celebration. There were parades in the street, the crime rate dropped to 0% for 12 hours, and Joe Biden’s approval rating soared. For a short moment in time, our country was unified from head to toe.

All celebrations must come to an end, and this one concluded when General Mills came out and announced that the Boo-Berry ghost is trans. It immediately tore the country apart again, and it seems we’re back to our regularly scheduled programming.