How to Stand Out at the Strip Club
The year is 2023 and strip clubs are all the rage. If you ask any man in your life what he’s doing this weekend, there’s an 85% chance he’ll mention a strip club visit with the boys. It’s just what guys do. We’re in 2023, which also means that girls are allowed to go too, so this article is for everyone. I’m inclusive. It’s who I am.
Because everyone is lining up to eat some wings and conduct business in a professional environment, it’s hard to stand out in a strip club these days. How can you make your mark? Thankfully, I’m here to help.
Throw $2 bills at these exotic dancers: Strippers are the crown jewel of the strip club, so it makes sense that their approval means everything. Sure, you can throw lots of cash at them and buy your way to the top, but most people don’t have that luxury. If you’re balling on a budget, bring a stack of $2 bills when you’re out on the town. You’ll be the only one throwing them, and will get a special meeting with the club owner because he won’t trust that they are real. Talk about VIP service!
Speak only in tongues: This trick is great because it works all over the world! Anywhere you go, most people will be speaking one language. If you come in speaking another language, you’ll be noticed. If you come in speaking in tongues, you won’t be forgotten. Sometimes the police are called because they’re worried, but if you didn’t do anything wrong, they can’t do anything outside of questioning you. Heroes get remembered, but legends never die.
Have a Heart Attack: This one is a little bit harder to do, because it’s not always easy to time. But if you feel like you might need to see a doctor because of chest pains, think about going to the strip club instead! Be aware, this is more of a long-term play. At first, it’s embarrassing. No one wants to have a heart attack in a strip club. But what many people don’t think about is the treatment you’ll get upon your return. Sure, you’ll be known as “heart attack guy”, but they’ll make sure you’re comfortable from the second you enter to the minute you leave. Whatever it takes for the club to stay out of a lawsuit.
Beg: The final trick I have for you is not for the faint of heart (unlike the previous trick). This one is pretty simple. Set your sights on the stripper of your choosing, walk up to them, and start to audibly beg. Yelling “PLEASE BE WITH ME” or “I LOVE YOU” have worked for me in the past, but do what you’re comfortable with. The strippers love this confidence and they will respond positively every time.
Please keep these tricks in mind this weekend as you spend the days the only way you know how. Record what you decide to do, and post it on Twitter. Add the hashtag #MyStripperTricks so that I can repost!