Good Grief! Charlie Brown Found Dead in Double Homicide

Bad news for the boy with the zig-zag shirt! This morning, police investigated a report of gunshots coming from inside an apartment building in downtown Minneapolis. When they got to the scene, they found the bodies of Charlie Brown and Pigpen, lifeless on the carpet, an absolute pain for the cleaners. Found around the bodies was a bloodied note reading, “you missed that football one too many times” with -The Red Baron signed at the bottom. Police suspect that the perpetrator lost money sports betting on Charlie Brown this past weekend.

We caught up with Charlie’s parents, who gave a very somber message of grief: “Wawawawa, wawawawa wa wawawawwawawawa.” The chilling testimony left me speechless, unable to control my emotions. I just started to cry.

Charlie is survived by his wife, Lucy Brown.

Look I’ll be honest, I don’t know enough about Charlie Brown lore to continue this article in an entertaining way. I had to look up the name of Lucy because I wasn’t sure if Lucy or Sally was Charlie’s sister. I really only started this one because I liked the title. I could research a little bit more about the characters but I just don’t care enough to do so. I am sorry to leave this on such a low note, but the story isn’t real, so you probably won’t lose sleep over it.