Cover Your Ears! A 31-Year Old Former Frat Star Just Dropped 94 F-Bombs on a 6 Minute Ski Lift Ride
There is nothing quite like an upper-middle class, probably white, family heading out west to Colorado for an early 2024 ski trip. Everyone gets a much-needed vacation, as 20 days since the week off at Christmas is far too long. Travel is always a pain because obviously they have their own skis. This isn’t their first rodeo.
In this particular instance, the Anderson family was excited to hit the slopes in Vail for the first time since early April of last year. Tensions were already high, because most of the family was dripping sweat waiting for Lindsay, the eldest sister, to finish getting dressed. They made it very clear that they were planning to catch the 10:15 shuttle, and by 10:25 it looked as if they’d never get out on the slopes. Against all odds, Lindsay got her boots on with only a moderate amount of complaining, and the day had officially begun.
I’ve always said that the best way to celebrate the life of Martin Luther King, Jr. is to shred some powder, and it seems like this sentiment is shared by many. The Anderson family got out to the slopes on the Saturday of MLK weekend and it was already packed. After waiting in line for about 20 minutes to get on the lift, things were finally looking up.
It’s important to note that there are 7 individuals in the Anderson clan, which means they have to split up on the lifts. This wrinkle seems like a non-issue, but the Anderson family was about to learn the hard truth: When you ride the lift with random groups, your life will probably change for the worse.
Four members of the Anderson family ended up on the high-speed lift with a couple of former college roommates. Doug, 30, was a boarder who smelled of cannabis, and Lonnie, 31, was a skier with a speaker carabiened to his backpack playing Third Eye Blind a little too loud. They seemed nice enough when Mrs. Anderson asked where they were from (Boston), but it was clear these groups had little in common. The conversation quickly died, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.
Things were okay for a minute, until Doug started talking to Lonnie about his on-again off-again girlfriend Leah. The story itself couldn’t have been less interesting. She told him that if he kept blacking out every time they went out she would leave him, and he had a problem with how close she was with Damian (who is either her ex or her first cousin).
While the potential first cousin thing is worrisome, what really unnerved the Anderson family was the language Doug used in his story. In a 4 and a half minute long story, he dropped 94 f-bombs. For those unaware, that means FUCK. If it wasn’t so vulgar, it would almost be impressive. Doug averaged almost 21 fucks per minute. We contacted the Guinness Book of World Records but have yet to hear back.
It’s important to note that Mrs. Anderson is Irish-Catholic, so what she did next should be a surprise to no one. After hearing enough, she turned her entire body to the men (which is not easy to do on a ski lift) and told them that there were impressionable minds on the lift (her 27 year old daughter) and Heaven doesn’t have a space for vulgar souls.
The wrath of an Irish Catholic mother is not to be messed with, and these gentlemen understood. Either that, or they were so high that nothing would be understood for the next hour. In any event, the lift ride finally ended and the Anderson family never saw Doug and Lonnie again, except for the 27-year old Mary Anderson who followed them on Instagram at lunch.